If that was your dad, he is hot
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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