they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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