i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
