Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
