I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Your cock deserves a montage
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
