The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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