just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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