I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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