I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
