Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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