I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
