Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm getting married
To pizza
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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