Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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