i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i was born a porn star she said
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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