as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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