absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
