they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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