Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
