my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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