my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
