I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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