my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize