I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
