Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
