Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
