when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize