State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
