filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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