That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
