Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Don't make out with my wife yet
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
