It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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