just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my sisters under your porch take her home
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
