Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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