Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So many bounce houses so little time
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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