im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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