i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize