i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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