today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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