My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
