mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
