You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
