I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
