so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
