I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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