Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
