All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
