I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The feeling are messing with the penis
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
