im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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