In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
