your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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