sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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