glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
