Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
