we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
