I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
