he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
