The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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