Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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