ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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