Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
