I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
