im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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