just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
