you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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