I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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