you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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