I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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