Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize