Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
