I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
