Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
